my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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