what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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