Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
