I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
