Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My pussy is not your playground.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
