I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
