Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
