I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
