so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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