That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
