The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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