I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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