He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize