all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
