I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
