after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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