I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
