plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
where are my eyebrows?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
