Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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