Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
