You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
