Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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