if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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