dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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