I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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