May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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