She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
