He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
