oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
