I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
