There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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