My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
