I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
