Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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