you would pick up someone in the library
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize