you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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