Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
