let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
