I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
