There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
