I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's intense
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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