we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
