hotel room ftw
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
