I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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