Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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