she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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