So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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