dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
not ubering you a puppy
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
