if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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