i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
