Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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