My friends, they love my intelligence
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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