how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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