you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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