You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
