we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
