shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Use "feeling words"
Yay
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
