Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
