member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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