guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
