I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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