Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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